Text Box: Third Place Humour Verse – Third Quarter 2014


Armless Fun


Hazel Teare























The human machine is impressive but there’s one thing the planner forgot,

to make our arms more user friendly by including a suitable slot.

At repose there is nowhere to put them, so you wriggle all over the bed

put them left and then right then above you, or stuffed under the pillow instead.


You can wrap your arms tightly around you, or fold them both down to one side,

Then you wake in the night to find one arm is numb, like something beside you has died.

You check to make sure it’s your own arm, not a corpse that’s invaded your space,

then you rub to get everything going to restore circulation apace.


The ensuing sensation is torture, as blood slowly returns to your arm.

There’s good reason it’s called ‘pins and needles’ as it stabs you from armpit to palm.

Retractable arms would be handy when it comes to the end of the day,

we could draw them both in very neatly, so they’re tidily out of the way.


Evolution may deal with the problem through requirement, or just on a whim

‘Til this happens complaining is futile so, for now, we’re all out on a limb.