Text Box: Second Place Humour Verse – First Quarter 2015


I Can’t Complain Or Still, Mustn’t Grumble, Eh?


Anthony Holmes
























“Well, me ‘ips is dicky, first off -

I can’t ‘ardly lift me leg -

An’ it’s very inconvenient

‘Cos it forces me to beg


For ‘elp from other people, an’

Them others ain’t much ‘elp,

An’ me ‘usband’s bloody useless

‘Cos no matter ‘ow I yelp


‘E never bloody ‘ears me so

I struggles on me own.

No, me ‘eadaches ain’t respondin’;

Yes, me Farmer Giles ‘ave grown.


Those tablets wot you give me, well,

They weren’t no bloody good.

They wasn’t tablets, Doctor? Yes,

I fought they tasted odd.


Now, me ankles is bof puffy;

Me bladder’s on the blink;

Me bowels is cloggin’ up again;

More roughage would you fink?


An’ since I come ‘ere las’ time, Doc’,

I’ve noticed sumfink’ strange;

Me ‘air is fallin’ out in clumps -

I ‘ope I ain’t got mange!


An’ las’ly, Doc’, me chilblains frob -

Like Lucifer ‘isself.

You won’t ‘ear me complainin’, tho’;

At least I got me ‘elf.”

First Place: The Oysters' Revenge

Third: Spoolchucker